To my daughter

Something about having a little girl that makes you want to just be better than you’ve ever been.

You make me want more for myself.

I am happy and content with being a stay at home mom but something about bringing her into this world just made me want to combat everything in life I’ve always wanted to do. I have this little girl who already looks up to me. She loves how I sing to her and I can’t even reach the correct note. She loves how I read to her how I do her hair everything you can think of she just loves.

I hope one day you’re proud of me

There is nothing wrong with being a stay at home mom. I’m proud of raising my tribe with all of me. I sacrificed a lot so I can be able to do more for them. And if she chooses to be a stay at home mom when she’s older I will be just as proud as if she decided to study law.

Give it all and then some.

I want her to be fearless

I want her to pick herself up every time she falls

I want her to always be kind in a world that isn’t so nice

I want her to love her self no matter how she looks

And I want her to be confident in all that she does

The sweetest doll

Isn’t it crazy how proud I am of you?

You make me want so much more out of life and I am forever grateful for you. I will lead you through life and guide you every step I can. I promise to hug you when you are sad. I promise to make you your favorite meals when you ask. I promise to love you when you feel you don’t know how. I promise to wipe your tears after your first heartbreak. I promise to always be there.

I love you, my little girl

Now is now

My daily routine is usually hectic. Before I can even have coffee or feed myself I’m usually scrubbing down my house. I live with OCD and terrible anxiety. They are not a friend of mine and it is a constant battle that I’m trying to overcome. Can you imagine being freaked out by dishes in the sink? Or the sugar not being filled to the top in its canister? Well, that’s how I feel freaked out or out of place.

I took off today

Now when I say I took off I don’t mean I’m at a luxurious spa. Which let’s be honest I wish I was. However, I mean I gave up all house chores. I let the dishes pile up, I baked a cake for the kids. I didn’t run a comb through my hair and I’m literally walking around with a hole in my leggings.

But a big who gives a crap!

Now is now

My kids need me to be playing with them not doing dishes all day.

I’m throwing in the towel and giving in and just taking the day for me and the kids.

Are you?

Adulting is a real shit show

You know that moment you forget about you?

You know the moment you get so damn busy with this thing they call life

Yeah that thing

Well, that’s me. I neglected myself once again which seems like the norm now.

I’m not the biggest fan of it obviously and shit it doesn’t make me happy. I don’t go on expecting anyone to understand and when I say anyone I am clearly referring to my husband and kids.

And I’m just going to say the one thing you shouldn’t say as a mom.

IM SO TIRED

I NEED A BREAK

I NEED MENTAL CLARITY

I NEED A SPA DAY OR WINE

I mean I am so overwhelmed these days from buying a house and trying to make it a home. Raising kids being involved in school events. Taking care of the house chores. It’s like a never ending cycle it is literally like the energizer bunny.

And Look I know that is a horrible comparison and probably so damn outdated but it’s so true.

The other day I was looking at myself and didn’t recognize myself. I mean granted I’ve lost 92lbs and finally took back my health but that doesn’t do much for my mental health. Anyways I’m looking in the mirror and I have white hairs growing on my eyebrows.

This is a joke? Nope it’s not

My husband is over here aging gracefully and I look like I need 12 coffees a 24 hour nap and heavy concealer. I don’t understand.

Being a parent and wife has defiantly been a job.

And don’t get me wrong I’m in love with my little family.

But I mean it is not easy being a stay at home mom. I love these people that I come across and say “wow your husband works and you stay home”

Oh yes because I’m home just twirling my hair and lounging all day.

I wish these people can do what I do! I mean honestly come give it a try.

I wake up and literally wash four loads of laundry probably a day. I make breakfast, lunch, and dinner (including snacks). I am constantly sanitizing my house with Clorox because let’s face it kids are gross. My one-year-old daughter is attached to my hip and is in a tantrum phase. My four-year-old thinks he knows it all and my bonus daughter is ten going on 17 and can’t take constructive criticism. Not to mention I’m entertaining them with games and crafts! You name it! All the while I find time to do homemade baking for them. And usually, there’s no wine in my house because we forget to stock up and my husband is at work from 5 am to 9 pm. My conversations are limited and usually involves picking stickers off my face because my four year old thinks I’m a canvas. So again you think this is easy?

The last time I did my hair was in August and that was my birthday and I just took off old red polish on my toes because again that was done in August. I’m in dire need of a paper day or just me day!

I don’t care if it means I can spend an hour in target with no kids begging me for a toy. Or my husband rushing me to leave. As long as coffee is involved I am in.

Adulting at its best.

Mom shame

Mommy shaming seems to be the new norm these days.

I am for one over it and think it’s horrible. Do you? Since when did parenting become “I know it all” because we don’t! Hell, I’m still figuring this crap out. I’m pretty much gliding through these days and just working as I go.

I have been mommy shamed on numerous occasions and its complete utter bullshit!

Yeah, that’s right I’m calling Bullshit on the whole thing?

I won’t sit here and say I haven’t made comments about others parenting styles because we all do

But and this is the big But!!

When did it become ok to actually critic that parent and make them feel bad? Or second guess their motion?

Things I’ve been mommy shamed for and my answer now:

You let your son sleep with you till he was 3 1/2? Yeah, I don’t care!! What’s it to you?

Had you a c-section? Completely out of my control you asshole

You let your kid eat cake for breakfast? It was one time!!

Do you keep your kids occupied with television? Yes yes and hell yes it’s been a great babysitter thank you very much.

You feed your kid McDonald’s? Yeah, and I get myself a big mac while we’re at it. It is called balance.

You still let your four-year-old wear pampers to bed? Yeah, are you cleaning the sheets.

I swear the list can go on but really.

Who are these people and what’s it to you? Do as you please as so will I!

I’ve been seeing so much of this lately and I think it is extremely sad. Not only as moms are we already are biggest critics but now you got some random Jane or Jon Doe pretty much bashing your style.

I’m sorry I’m not perfect

Or better yet I refuse to let my kids walk through society thinking there is such thing as being perfect. Because their not!

It’s safe to say if you are not feeding my children or supporting them in any way, please keep it to yourself. And don’t do the things I do with your kids isn’t it that simple.

If you don’t want to have a glass of wine in your pantry closet at the end of the day while the kids color each other with magic markers that’s fine. I’m that parent. My style isn’t perfect but I am the best version of me for my children you know? They like me so I mean.. Well, not every day. But for the most part, they think I’m okay and I’m okay with that.

When they are older I’m sure they will greatly appreciate me

Till then can we stop judging other mom’s?

“People think that just because you become a mother you have to star dressing and acting like a yellow starburst. You can be a mother and still be a pink starburst, you totally can!”

Nothing makes a better Saturday then dinner done before six your house semi-clean the kids bathed before your shows come on.

My week has consisted of one sick babe and the other seems to be on his way of a head cold, unfortunately. My pantry closet is fully stocked with Lysol and Clorox wipes.

But and it’s a big BUT!

I am so tired and I’m out of wine and low on coffee, how convenient.

I have made a bed on the couch (its easier this way when the kids are sick) my back is of course out of whack. And I’m in dying need of a good full 8hours of uninterrupted sleep. But that’s not looking too promising these days.

You know what makes this better? My poor girl is teething so bad. And trust me we’ve tried it all I literally have been praying to the tooth fairy every night for those suckers to pop out!

I’m pooped (not literally)

Now is now though and time is fleeting.

How can I ever resist these tiny humans? I never could and don’t quite understand how others do.

Brutally honestly I can use a vacation but for these tiny humans who suck the life out of me and that’s literally. Some days I have no energy and I pretend I do just so they don’t see the exhaustion. I could never be away from them.

I rather be this tired

Dinner tonight was an oreo

But that’s okay

Tomorrow will be better

And through every exhaustion, I just pray for my children to grow to be happy and nice individuals who can say

My mom always did her best.

Because I try.

C-sections, just as hard.

When I mention to people I’ve had two c-sections they automatically assume it was a piece of cake. A walk in the park if you must.

The hardest yet most invigorating thing my body has ever endured.

Most people think you don’t suffer labor pains. I did.. Twice.

My first was 29hours of labor. Didn’t dilate at all. It was far from my birth plan. My second was scheduled c-section but of course wentinto labor before my scheduled date.

We have to listen to our bodies and just because you can’t give vaginal birth it doesn’t make you less of a woman. Honestly around of applause to all of us, mom’s who go through both. It’s hard, it’s exhausting it’s both painful and scary and yet so exciting.

My body

It will never look the same and my stomach will never be the same but when I look at my two precious baby’s I can say I did that.

Once you’re drugged up the hard part is over but that scar will always remind you what your body went through being tossed around the table, all the sounds of the tools the bright lights it’s not something you will ever get used too.

The recovery is the hardest the car ride alone back from the hospital is absolutely dreadful. The pain after is nothing I can ever explain all the while you still manage to walk around love on your baby breastfeed or bottle feed either or theirs no breaks in-between. But you’re doing it pain and all because this is that moment the moment I realized my body can go through hell and back and I will still be so strong. It’s not the prettiest, it’s not the skinniest.

But this body did it. Brought two beautiful babies into this world. Hours of labor.. Hours of surgery and months of recovery.

Having a c-section is no different the vaginal birth. I refuse to feel guilty because my body couldn’t “do it” but you know what my body did it recovered and every mark on my stomach will bring me back to how strong I was and how strong I am.

We are all strong

And truth be told C-sections..

They are just as hard.

Blogger fail

Or should I say mommy fail?

This week has kicked my ass in every which way.

I’m ready for the weekend and even more ready for the holidays!

This weekend I’m gonna catch up and discuss my thanksgiving favs!

Stay tuned! This was short I promise it’s not writers block. The kids are sleeping and I should be too.

Good cop, Bad cop

Parenting is never easy especially when you have to parent together. You have to learn to be a team. You made these babies together and you have to finally pick your battles. Me and my husband have two different outlooks on parenting.

Good cop, this is completely my husband. He is extremely laid back and really never bothered which has its pros and cons.

Bad cop, completely me. No questions asked I’m the one who enforces dinner time, homework time. I have chore charts and I enforce a lot more structure in the house.

No questions asked I feel like I’m running a tight ship. My husband feels like “kids will be kids, so just let them” and yeah I agree in a lot of ways he’s right. That’s why I don’t mind our differences it’s almost a middle a balance if you might call it.

The most thing I admire about my husband is what an awesome an amazing father he is to our children.

I don’t have a close-knit relationship with my father. Growing up I always envisioned my children having both parents present. I’m so fortunate that this is the case.

I love my husband but watching him love my babies makes me fall in love with him so much more.

I am a “WO-MOM”, Hear me rawr.

This was the last time I dolled myself up I don’t do it as much as I like. Because well… this and baby spit up don’t really go. I remember crying to my husband the first time I was pregnant I was telling him I didn’t want to lose myself. That didn’t go as planned I gained a whopping 100lbs Yikes!. Four years later I struggled to lose the weight by my second pregnancy I knew things had to be different because I didn’t want to pack on more lbs. So I ate right and actually lost weight (thank god because I couldn’t afford to gain more.)

A girl will steal your beauty and she did.

These days my go-to attire is yoga pants and work out gear. I’m not really working out I’m just wearing it. My husband was sweet enough to buy me all new makeup since I was feeling like a drought. He tells me I don’t need it… And he’s probably right but there’s no better feeling than a good lipstick. Am I right?

Backtrack to my wedding day where I just felt FABULOUS! Everything about this was right prosecco was on point and I was beyond glammed up.

But for now, I’m rocking the no makeup look

All I can say it’s been quite refreshing!

So back to what I’m really saying its so easy to feel like you’ve lost yourself as a mom. From the beginning, you naturally go through alot. From your uterus and everything else being stretched, you not being able to do your hair as much as you use to so you’ve been rocking the bun look. Or the chapstick is the new lipstick and if you don’t have that your pulling out your babies a&d (do not judge me it’s been cold and my lips were in need of hydration it was one time and I’m not ashamed)

Make yourself feel good!

Throw on that bold new lipstick, make your lashes fuller than they ever been. Take that tag off that new shirt. Don’t lose yourself if anything embrace what you are. Your title as a mom goes a long way. I remind myself “wow, you are more beautiful than ever” and I am I’ve birthed two beautiful babies I’ve lost weight I’ve gained. I may or may have not waxed in the past year but I mean who cares (I need to make an appointment, seriously) the point is..

You are a mom

A beautiful one

So rawr!